Would You Let A Stripper Watch Your Kid?
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
A woman files an application with a day care center looking to get a job as a child care provider, be it teaching assistant, after care supervisor, etc. On her application, where it asks about former employment, said woman lists the name of a popular strip club. Under the tab where it asks “job title” she fills in, accurately, “dancer”.
Full stop.
Let’s be real here. It either takes extreme delusion or confidence to file an application at a daycare center and ACTUALLY tell the employing powers that be that you are indeed a stripper. Or were. Or whatever. There’s no middle ground. I can’t decide which one is more likely. I’m sure that question will keep me up at night. In case you weren’t aware, I spend a lot of time analyzing the depths and psychological shackles (or lack thereof) of strippers.
Oh, had you heard that one before?
Me neither. But apparently that has happened. I got a phone call about it. And it got me to thinking, would I be bothered if I found out that one of my daughter’s day care providers was an active-stripper, or a recently de-activated stripper? Is that what you call a retired stripper? De-activated? Wouldn’t that be doper than retired? Didn’t I blow your mind this time? Didn’t I?
Now, while I can say that I’d feel some type of way about a stripper being responsible for the well-being of my child, I have to take a step back and realize that stripping is just a job. We do equate a certain type of reckless irresponsibility to strippers but if you think about it, it’s quite possible that strippers have the requisite skill set to be a quality day care provider.
Such as?
Such as.
1. Ability to make others smile
That’s like key numero uno in the life of a child. Ensure that the children are happy and comfortable. Strippers entire M.O. relies on continued happiness and relate-bility to the patrons…for money. Same principle in day care. I know I feel safe in the bosom of a woman I don’t know who I paid to be there. Again, basis of child care.
2. Constantly required to clean
Clean pole. Clean center. Same sh*t. Strippers carry a bottle of Lysol with them for that very reason. Day care centers are germ incubators. Exactly why Lysol was created!
3. Like to dance to music
Kids looooooooooooove dancing when they’re toddlers. As long as she keeps it all PG then we’re good to go. Elephant Man. Win. Win.
4. Customer service extraordinaires
If you’re taking care of my kid, then I need to feel completely comfortable with you and believe in your services and responsiveness. Again. Win. Win.
See? Strippers really do have a relevant skill set. Point is, technically, I shouldn’t have an issue with this. It isn’t like she’d be holding pole dancing classes for toddlers or anything. And when she’s getting her day care on, I could expect her to be professional and do the job at hand. But somehow I envision a woman in a g-string and tassels picking up my kid and reading a Dr. Seuss book called “All The Girls Get Down On The Floor”. Which is, like, totally unfair. I’m trying not to shoot the messenger or anything (and despite my actual non-judgmental leanings towards strippers), I just envision her as a woman of ill repute when it comes to my kid trying to corrupt my child who will then come home asking me for all of my one dollar bills. Then I’d wonder if every time she wanted to dance, if its because she wants to “practice”.
THE HUMANITY!
It’s just not right okay! says Shareef to O’Dog and A-Wax as they take Caine to the hospital and leave Harold to die.
But its not right that I’m thinking this stripper can’t do a good job when the only thing I know about her is that she’s a stripper. And I’d like to be the liberal here who doesn’t care yet something isn’t allowing me to say “yes, I’d absolutely let a stripper watch my kid! She’s trying to get a more respectable job as a day care provider and she’s not running from her past. Hellz bellz, siiiiiiiiiign me up.”
But what about you? Hmm??
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