Why “Eternity” is Such a Dangerous Thought

March 28, 2025 by Andrew Small No Comments

You know how everyone seems to love that little eternity symbol?

You know… the one that looks like this:

I’ve decided that this symbol, or more accurately that this idea, is one of the most mentally dangerous and self-destructive ideas that has ever spread across the tattoo parlors of the world.

I mean, it seems so romantic and lovely doesn’t it? The concept of eternity?

I thought so, too. Particularly when things first took off with my girlfriend in such fantastic and wonderful ways. Things were going so well, my thoughts were running away in such fantastic directions.

Could this girl be the one I’ve been looking for all my life?

Could this girl be the one I will grow old with?

Have I finally found my soul mate, my lover, my confidant, my everything?

Is this the girl who will finally give meaning to that eternity symbol for me?

She was thinking many of the same thoughts about me. Like I said, it was just going so well.

And those are all good things to think, right?

Wrong.

Let me tell you why those thoughts are complete rubbish.

Those thoughts… Think about it. They have no answers, and they never will have answers. They are unanswerable. And if you think time will answer those questions, you are wrong. Even if we have an incredibly beautiful and powerful and strong relationship for years or decades, there is no guarantee that something won’t happen in the future to bring us and our relationship to an end. That is true of our relationship. It is true of your relationships, too.

When it comes to relationships, the only guarantee is that there are no guarantees and there never will be guarantees.

What there is, and I know this now, is only the here and now. And, the here and now becomes tainted if the future or the past (or a combination of both) are constantly mucking it up.

Thinking those thoughts was starting to damage what beautiful things we had going right now. Wondering about the future, and wanting to somehow know right now whether this was the real deal, only made things more tense. It made things seem less permanent. It made us question stupid and silly stimuli. And more than anything, it made us both protect our hearts and keep certain walls up because… what if the future isn’t what we are hoping it is. Who wants that kind of hurt and disappointment?

One morning, a few weeks into our committed relationship, my thoughts got the best of me, and I started getting major anxiety and even some insecurity. I couldn’t figure out why. Everything was going so well with her. I had nothing to truly worry about, yet worry was the only thing I could feel that day. So, in my always-ongoing attempt to understand myself and my weird humany feelings, I got online and started searching for some answers.

I don’t remember what I searched for. I don’t remember what website I found. But I found a life coach that gave me the best advice I may have ever gotten on the topic. Get your head out of the future. Get your head out of the past. What is going on right now? Is right now good? Then live in that goodness and let the future take care of itself. That was the gist of it anyway.

It hit me like a sack of heavy sludge when I read it.

The future didn’t matter. It might not work out. It might work out. Why should I let one of the most incredible “nows” I’ve ever had in my life be tainted or changed because of a future I can literally know nothing about?

And also… the past didn’t matter. My past, her past. None of it mattered, and it certainly had no effect on what has been happening in one of the most incredible “nows” I’ve ever had in my life. Why should I let anything in either of our pasts taint or change our now because of some fear of how the past will somehow affect the future?

And that is when I realized perhaps the greatest irony of all. Eternity, forever, the future… thinking about those things was keeping me from doing what I had to do right now to be an incredible boyfriend, an incredible lover, and a safe place for my girl. And are you ready for the irony? Doing what I have to do right now to be an incredible boyfriend, lover, and that safe place for my girl is exactly what will someday lead to “forever” or “eternity” or whatever name you want to give it.

It is always the now that leads to forever. Always. It is always the actions of today that lead to happiness today. And it is always happiness today that makes happiness tomorrow a much more real possibility.

Whether it’s with our lovers, our kids, our families, our friends, our colleagues, or anyone else. We cannot dwell on the future just as much as we cannot dwell on the past. The future doesn’t really exist. And neither does the past, if you think about it. In this moment, all we have is this. Right now. Right here. Nothing else.

Changing that in my mind changed everything for me. Immediately. Admitting that the future would always be uncertain, somehow made it easier to fully trust and let down my walls with her right now. It worked because I was suddenly able to let the future take care of itself, instead of trying to take care of a future that I have literally no control over.

It’s really that simple.

So… I don’t know about all of you, but I’m going to think less of this: