My most recent Friend With Benefits and I had an understanding that if either of us started dating, we’d pull the benefits from our relationship. We weren’t dating each other properly, since she wants to have children of her own some day. With my oldest in college and youngest in high school, my spawning days are pretty much over.

So when my most recent FWB told me she had started dating, I wasn’t surprised or angry. Disappointed, maybe, since the sex was so good.

But if she’s found a man she thinks she wants to be with long term, then more power to her. She deserves to be happy.

That didn’t stop me from trying to sleep with her one last time.

“Want to meet this week?” I texted.

“Sure! I’d love to,” she wrote.

“Friday night drinks?” I wrote.

“How about Saturday morning brunch,” she wrote.

Brunch. The very word sounds so un-sexy. And I have a hunch I’m not the only one who noticed that brunch ends in ch, same as eunuch. (Different pronunciation, sh-munciation. Blech.)

“I’m not free then,” I texted. “How about Saturday night.”

“Sunday brunch can work,” she wrote.

Clearly, she was not going to be fooled by my “drinks” suggestion. Because drinks between two FWBs usually leads to full throttle, no holds barred, this is why God created men and woman, sex. (Did I mention we were pretty good in bed together?)

“Daytime is hard for me,” I wrote. “I’m spending time with my kids.” I lied. (They’re only with me half time.)

“How about a run or a bike ride?” she wrote. (This was before the car collision I was recently in.)

I knew she knew I wanted one last lay. And I knew she wasn’t going that route. Still, I needed to put it out there.

“How about one last hook up,” I wrote.

“That would be fun!” she texted back. “The very thought of it brings a smile to my face. But – no. I can’t. Let me know if brunch or a run can work.”

Brunch or a run. Sounds like something friends would do.

Without benefits.

Oh, well. There’s always the chance she’ll be single again someday. And if that day comes, she might come knocking on my benefits door again. Same as another ex-FWB who wanted benefits reinstated.

Until then, Friends With Brunch are what we will have to be.

Related Articles:

A Woman Walked Out on Me in a Bar

Single Mom Dating a Single Dad – A Month Between Dates?

Loveawake Profile: – Maybe More Kids?

The Relationship Reset Technique