What’s In A Name?
Much like Asher Roth, I loved college.
It was a time of much growth, discovery, and beaucoup sarcasm plus I went to school at Morehouse College. Which means one thing – Spelman College is right across the street.
Yay! It absolutely gets no better that that people. You may think it does, but it does not.
You think it does = fail.
Sidenote: Am I the only person who wonders if Trey and Brandy broke up two weeks after they got to Atlanta because he saw all that fine tail running amok across the street at Spelman? There should have been some follow-up like we got with Ricky and Doughboy. Oh…right. They died.
Since me and my boys loved women so much, we made it a point to meet as many women as possible. Hell, we had two fully fleshed out and separate cliques of chicks that we hung with. I’m talking cliques of girls at least 10 deep on either side. We were jokingly considered the Group Orgy group because of how “free” we all were with one another.
Never did get up on that orgy though.
Anywho, me and one of my boys in particular, Frank White, were rolling partners (no hydro) something serious and used to spend an inordinate amount of time on Spelman’s campus. Hell, I took a second major just because all of the classes were at Spelman.
I’m serious.
One thing me and my hombre used to do was give the various women we’d encounter nicknames since we’d either forget their names or because we’d never meet them…usually on purpose. Plus, it always ensured we’d remember who they were. Even today, we still make mention of some of these women and nearly all of my boys know exactly who we’re talking about.
You’d like some examples right?
Sure you would.
That’s what Brian Boitano’d do.
The Wildebeest – Mostly because this chick actually did look like a wildebeest. (You know, I had no clue that you spelled wildebeest with two ‘e’s. I thought it was wildebeast. Wow. Thank you Microsoft Word 07.) Worst part is that she thought she was SO fly. Nope, she was more a land mammal.
FBI – So these two chicks stayed in the dorm with my boy’s girlfriend and MAN did they drop dimes to her – on anything. If they saw him out, they’d report it. If they saw him in, they’d report it. Hell, once, while he was WITH his girl, they called her just to tell her she was with him. Real talk.
Backout – Ah, a personal fan favorite. Me and my boy noticed that no matter what the temperature was outside, this chick ALWAYS had on a shirt that exposed her back. I know we were in Atlanta but damn, it did actually get cold at times. She loved her back so much that one winter (she was a year under us so we got three full years of her back) she wore a winter coat with a transparent lining just so all the men could see her back.
Her back wasn’t even all that fly. Probably just cold, but definitely not that fly.
All-For-Nothing – You ever see a chick who SHOULD be hot but isn’t? She had all the characteristics of a “hot chick” – light eyes, long hair, okay face, nice complexion, but somehow, she just wasn’t cute. At all. We spent the better part of 3 years and 2 homecomings trying to pin down her fatal flaw. We just decided God blinked and just said f— it.
Phenom – This chick, on one particular day, approached us with the perfect body. I mean perfect ass-to-waist ratio, Coke bottle shape, and sexy gait. And she gave good face. I mean she had it working. We were aghast and amazed, at the same time. We looked at each other and named her on the spot. Unfortunately, this chick currently looks less phenomenal and more like the sound you make when you put your tongue between your lips and make the farting noise. Yep, that’s what she looks like.
Cool Delta – Me and my boy fell in love with this chick. She was a dark chocolate, toned to the max, super faced, Amazon woman. I can’t confirm this, but I think my boy nearly busted on himself every time he saw her. And she’s a Delta, and Panama loves him some Deltas. Age and kids have gotten the best of her, but that won’t erase the memory we had of our Cool Delta.
So, falks, who’s real name have you replaced with a nickname and why?!?
Also read:
3 Common Relationship Mistakes Women Make
Love Awkwardness and Regret: The Day I Walked Away
Friend Zoned and Heartbroken: Lessons from an Imaginary Romance
What Every Woman Should Know About a Man’s Code of Honor
How to Handle Breakups Without Questioning