Pre-Date Google Etiquette
Hello, lovely readers. I received a request from a woman and I think it’s an interesting question. Here’s what she wrote:
Is it bad form to Google prospective dates? Do men do this or only women?
-Emily Post
An excellent and very polite question, Emily. I think that the answer is clear, but it brings up other concerns.
SHOULD YOU DO IT?
I’d say that it absolutely acceptable to Google somebody you’re curious about. For example, I Googled YOU, Emily Post, and learned that you died in 1960. My condolences.
In a very real sense, this is what the internet is FOR. Getting information without having to actually ask a person. And porn. And stalking. And buying stuff. Usually one at a time, but it certainly could be all at once depending upon who you’re dating.
Go ahead. Google your brains out. I imagine that future generations are going to have big problems with this when every single human alive will have, say, their own section on YouTube — not of stuff they uploaded, but of stuff that people uploaded of them. There will be a whole page just for non-consensual karaoke videos. Wowie.
Anyway, yes, men do this as well sometimes. I’ve never Googled before a first date, but I sure do it after one. I once found an old, long-unedited Friendster profile that confirmed that she was exactly as snobbish as I had experienced on our date. (I mean, if you put, “Ugh, who watches TELEVISION?!” on your profile, you and I are through. Make all the trashy accusations you want about me, but you just leave TV out of it, or there’s going to be big trouble. And by “big trouble,” I mean that I’m going to call you “snobbish” on a website years later. Scared? Yeah, thought so.)
WHAT NOW?
Now, the interesting secondary question is, what do you DO with that stealthGoogled information that you now have about this person? Do you reveal that you’ve got it, or not?
Maybe. In some situations, it can be made to seem kind of cute and sexy, in fact. And it can make you seem like a hyper-paranoid busybody who comes from a time in which the word “busybody” was the cat’s pajamas.
Here are a couple of quick tips on how to avoid making him wonder if you’re insane.
- First of all, if you can’t tell how the date’s going, I say don’t even bother bringing it up at all. If he’s not sure he likes you, AND you were spying on him, that makes you about as attractive as your least fun aunt.
- If the date IS going well, and you feel like pushing the envelope a little bit, flirt your newly acquired intel into the conversation in a sort of “Oh I know all about you, mister three-years-working-for-Sylvester-Stallone’s Mom,” kind of way. As in, make it come across as if you googled him because you LIKE him, and not like you hired a private detective to gather blackmail evidence.
- KEEP IT LIGHT. Flirty, casual, fun. If he’s embarrassed by something that you’ve found, assure him that you thought it made him more exciting to you, not more, you know, ridiculous. Like in the example above. Hey, he needed a job, Sly’s mom was hiring. Give him a break.
- IF YOU FIND SOMETHING THAT WORRIES YOU – I’d say don’t tell him you know it. Either A.) just don’t go out with him, or B.) if you need more information than google has, try to slyly steer the conversation towards a place where whatever you found might come up naturally. Now, this might not be so easy if he’s a convicted child pornographer or something. What are you going to say, “So, don’t you just love kids?” And besides, I think that guy would probably go back to the “just don’t go out with him”category.
A WORD OF WARNING
Make sure that you know what’s out there about YOU. Because if you look him up, you can bet your ass that the next time he’s anywhere near an internet connection, he’s going to find out everything there is to know. (YouTube-click. Non-Consensual Karaoke Section-click. Paradise by the Dashboard Light-click. And relationship done.)
FINAL MANSLATIONS VERDICT
I think the bottom line about using the internet is this: Hey, it’s right there, isn’t it? In a sense, it’s how you’re reading this website right now. Oh, sorry — did I just blow your mind?
And if you can work your intel into the conversation in a fun, flirty way, it can even be a charming and sexy little turn in your date.
Plus, it’s not like you’re reading his diary or something. Go for it and find out whatever you can.
SIDENOTE: if he in fact does keep a diary and doesn’t have the common sense to call it a “journal,” you’re dating a teenaged girl from a Judy Blume book. Which is fine, if that’s your thing. That’s just fyi.
What say ye, reader-folken? Any pre/post date Google-stalk experiences to share? Hit me with ‘em. Comment it up, people!
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