Opening Conversation Principles
Standing in a bar, holding your beer, having fun with your friends, and you see that perfect girl for you. You know that you want her by how she looks, how she moves…
You want to show her what a great person you are…. So how do you open a conversation with her?
The amount of suggestions, routines and canned opener that pick-up gurus out there suggest is enormous. Some of them work great, at least for some venues.
Mystery suggests many canned openers. The Mystery method also suggests that you will be to be indirect while opening, because being indirect is attractive (because you don’t convey interest, unlike other average guys).
However, this is not all and in fact, using Direct Approach, is in many cases also powerful. So it depends.
On the other hand, openers that work in a club, in many cases sound extremely weird on the street.
So what is the “secret” to opening conversation with a woman.
For a few years, I was trying to understand what makes the best opener. It was difficult, because the only theories i knew, discussed the opening phase as part of Attraction. In many cases I used a very attractive opener, but it just wasn’t enough.
I was surprised one day to read about a completely different pick-up model, by Adam Lyons. Today he’s become well-known, and he runs all kinds of seminars and courses.
I will discuss his methods in a seperate post. However, what was interesting in his method, was that unlike the Mystery Method, in a Adam Lyon’s method the Comfort phase comes BEFORE the Attraction. According to him, you first need to make the girl comfortable before moving on to attraction. Of course, if it’s possible, you can create comfort and attraction in the same time, but comfort comes first.
And then, When I read Adam Lyon’s method, and thought about all my experience in opening conversations, I understood how right he is.
The secret to opening conversation, is that A good opener creates COMFORT, it makes the girl comfortable talking to you.
You’ve probably noticed, that in many cases women who know that you are interested in them, would react negatively. This because they don’t feel comfortable, because they know (or at least think/feel) that you want something from them (sex). It’s like this guy in the mall trying to sell you cell phones. You just ignore him, because you know he wants something from you. you won’t even listen to what he has to offer.
If you make a girl comfortable talking to you, then you have time to create attraction.
How do you make a girl comfortable? Use the following elements (at least some of them)
Use common situation – Use situations that she is used to. If you stop a girl on the street and ask her about your friend’sex- girlfriend, it sounds weired, no one does such things. If you ask her for directions or even better, ask her to recommend you a restaurant in the area, it sounds “normal” and she will begin a conversation with you.
Show Disinterest – or at least don’t convey interest. Make her think you are gay, make her think you have a boyfriend. Make her think that you want another girl in the bar. If she thinks that you are not interested in you.
Don’t make her feel that you want something from her – You know those lame salesmen, that always agree with you, always say yes and always seem like they are nic to you just because they want to sell? Don’t sound too nice as if you want to sell (ie, get something from her). Especially important is not to behave sleazy or look at her breasts.
Be Interesing and Social – Have a social vibe, especially in the bar. Talk to her friends, be energetic, etc.
Make her feel safe – If it’s in the bar, don’t look or smell drunk. If it’s on the street, Remember that you are a stranger, and she doesn’t know if you are dangerous or not. So show her you are not.
Let me give you then some examples of openers and methods that are good in creating comfort while opening conversation:
You are walking on the street. Make yourself look like a tourist. you see a girl. You stop her, and ask for directions to some place. She tells you something. You ask another questions about those directions. You see what happened? 99% of girls will answer your questions, because they feel comfortable talking to you. Now, that she stopped and gave you directions, it’s much easier to continue the conversation. You can even smile, and say “Well, actually I know the directions. You just seemd funny girl and I wanted to flirt with you.”.
You’re in the shopping mall. Make yourself look like someone who is really shopping. Grab some shopping bags, have an icecream in you hand. Now, you can approach girls and ask them something. It’s much more comfortable, because you don’t seem like somebody who just came to pick-up girls.
In the club (and also in other venues), you can succeed with women if you look and act a bit gay. For example, I like to approach girls and comment about some guy’s butt. It makes it all comfortable for her, and you can convey your attractive qualities. Later she will understand that you’re not gay after all.
Those were just example. What’s important in the opening is to make the girl feel comfortable. When a guy approach a girl, discomfort is created when we know that someone wants something from us.
What about Direct approach? Completely conveying your interest in the girl. Well, first of all it has lower chances of success. The approach I listed above give you almost 100% of success. When you do a good direct approach, it shows real honesty and feels sencere. Woman love it, and it immediately creates comfort too.
Related Articles:
How to be Confident With Women
How to Overcome Shyness with Women
How to Get Women to Approach You
How the Fear of Rejection Stops You from Getting Women
Turning a Female Friend into Your Girlfriend
How to Get a Girl to Notice You