My Fiance is on OnlyFans
Dear Russian Mates,
I was combing through the desk in our home office for a bill I thought I had misplaced and I saw that my fiance mistakenly left himself logged onto the computer. I went to shut it down and I saw his email account still opened and I scrolled through by accident and saw a few emails with subject lines from the Onlyfans.com website.
I decided to open a few of the emails and I found what are called “profile matches”. I know it is a real profile because he has put up a picture of his body (no face). It said he is “looking for groups and threesomes, either male/female couples or two women” for, as he says, “nothing serious.”
From what I can tell, he has been active on the site in the last week (the emails are dated from within the last few days). Like his profile, the profiles that have come through on the emails also have pictures. Very obscene pictures of different men and women having sex.
I am just sick. Sick to my stomach and sick from the inside out. I can’t eat or sleep or think straight. I haven’t confronted him because I’m hoping it is all just a lie. I’m hoping this man I’m living with isn’t doing this to me and that all this is just a bad dream. I am humiliated. I just can’t believe this is happening to me.
And our soon-to-be marriage? I can’t even think of what I’m going to say to him about this let along think about our what looks to be doomed marriage. I don’t know what to do. My whole future has just been ripped away and I am paralyzed.
Signed,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Onlyfans? I can sum this up in three words:
GET OUT NOW.
However, I realize it’s not that simple as there is so much more here that needs to be said.
I honestly didn’t know much about Onlyfans (other than the painfully obvious) upon receiving this correspondence from you, so I decided to do a bit of research. Let me just say that the site is as seedy as it is tremendously popular. What’s more is, it is not a site like eharmony or match.com- the kind of people you’re dealing with on a site like Onlyfans are the sleaziest, lowest, most unscrupulous pieces of human scum anywhere. They want to FUCK and they want to fuck now, and they simply don’t give a shit with who. They seem to be as indiscriminate as they are readily available.
The people on these sites don’t want what you and I want. They want what you and I don’t want to know about. These are people with compulsions and addictions, who engage in deviant behavior. It is a vast realm in which there welcomes a whole other dimension- a dark side; one in which nothing good will ever derive and you will ultimately suffer should you decide to stay with your fiance.
What’s troubling is, what you’re going through appears to be a very pervasive problem- people everywhere are discovering, or are unfortunately remaining completely unaware, that their partners are using sites like Adult Friend Finder and Onlyfans seeking sometimes, the most ultra-perverse back alley type underground sex- the kind I’m certain you and him (as well as 98% of unsuspecting couples) aren’t having.
Through further investigating, it appears that on Onlyfans there is a little more there than meets the eye. If he is paying monthly for a membership, he has full access to all the personal ads whereas if he’s a non-paying member he can only browse ads with limited interaction.
Whether he’s paying or not says a lot about his motivations. He may just be curious or he may very well have the intention of pursuing illicit sexual encounters.
However, it’s really neither here nor there whether he’s paying or not, or whether or not he’s already engaged in sordid acts. The bottom line is, the INTENT was there to begin with and the most important thing is, you found out.
Yet, there are two important pieces of information I’m having a bit of trouble with in this situation.
1) He “left” the computer on by mistake and was also “mistakenly” logged into his email account.
2) You “accidentally” came across all of this information as a result of his perceived negligence.
If in fact the first scenario is true- that he did leave the computer on and was logged into his email account knowing full well you could possibly and very easily find this information, why would he do such a thing?
I can think of several possibilities- one being perhaps he actually wanted you to find out. As in maybe he wanted you to purposefully discover his sickening impropriety in the anticipation that he wishes to call off the engagement and end your relationship. I have no idea what kind of man your fiance is (although from here it sounds like he’s a despicable one) and maybe he errs on the side of being sadistic, cruel and heartless and wanted an absolute and concrete way drive it home.
Or perhaps, your intent all along was to snoop on him, although you maintain you “mistakenly” happened upon this information incidental to you searching the office desk/computer for some other unrelated item. However, maybe you had the inkling to snoop because your instincts were telling you something really horrible was going on and your suspicions have now been confirmed.
Either way, there is a real breach of trust that has completely crumbled to pieces. Something that is very discernible as it is irrecoverable. Something that is forever lost that you’ll never get back- a point of no return.
A good friend of mine found out her live-in boyfriend, not once but TWICE, was actively seeking out sex partners through the casual encounters section on Craigslist. She forgave him the first time and low and behold, he did it again. I can almost assure you that you will face the exact same consequence should you decide to bank on a hopeless future with this man. Please think very hard about what he’s doing, what you feel for him and what your options are.
Because he himself is no longer an option.
I believe that some men are good. And some are really, really bad. Your fiance is one among the bad. Turn him loose before you find yourself in an even more dire and unimaginable place.
Love,
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