Do You Take Rejection Personally?
Recently, a reader unsubscribed from my email list. She wrote a paragraph describing her irritants, her overwhelm and how upset she is basically because…I’m not doing it her way.
A few years ago, this rejection would have broken my heart. (Embarrassing, yes, but I’m highly sensitive.) Seriously, an anonymous letter like that would have ruined my month!
It felt the same way when I was rejected by a guy who wasn’t into me. If he didn’t call me back, I took it personally. ”What could I have done different? What is he looking for that I’m not? Was it something I said?” (I was so egotistical without knowing it…thinking it was all about me.)
Then I’d swear I’d never put myself in a place where I could feel hurt and rejected again. Sound familiar?
Now, I’m more savvy. I’m more clever. (Thank God.) Now, when I get rejected, I say something like, “See ya, bye. All the best.” Then I appreciate the fact that this person is removing himself (obviously not one of my people) and making way for someone who is. (Although I still feel punched in the gut at times.)
cherry, your people will find you. If your people like who you are, like what they get from you, then they will stick around. Those who don’t will go. It’s rarely ever personal…even though at times it feels like it is.
Here are my three phases of rejection:
1. Ouch!
Oww! That hurt. WTF happened? Did I miss something? Where’d he go?
You want to say, “Don’t leave like that, let’s talk. Let’s work it out.” Often this isn’t a possibility, which sucks. Often you don’t have a clue to what the other person is thinking. Often he just leaves, never to be heard from again. Then what?
It’s up to you to make peace with yourself. If someone leaves and you have no idea why, it’s most likely not about you. It’s about something he’s not getting or doesn’t want. And if he won’t talk about it, it’s definitely not personal. It’s about him.
2. Okay.
Got it. I accept that you’re gone. I recognize I didn’t do it your way. (Whatever that is.) I didn’t deliberately go against you, I was just being myself and doing it my way. Since I’m not a mind reader, it’s the best I can do.
We’re not compatible. We don’t want the same things. We don’t understand each other. We’re in different places, blah, blah, blah.
And it’s okay. Life goes on. If you don’t want to be with me, I will find others who do.
3. Ciao!
Love ya. See ya, bye. Wish you well. (Do this with a smile on your lips!)
The universe abhors a void. When someone leaves, often someone else comes in. Someone more appropriate for you. People who are your people. You will find each other. His leaving is creating the space for that!
This is good news! Life gives you the opportunity to build with your people and release the ones who aren’t. Sometimes it’s by choice. Sometimes it’s not. In any event, do your best not to take rejection personally and instead use it as a filtering device that leads you to the ones you love.
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