Back In The Habit: Thangs I Just Can’t Shake
Let me borrow the microphone today. Mmkay? Mmkay.
Today, class, I’d like to talk about habits. But to make sure that we stick to the west side, because you know its the best side, let us find an official definition.
*finding (said to the tune of “Grindin’”)*
Habit. noun. an acquired behaviour pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.
Everybody has bad habits. I know I do. When I’m alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall. Four walls just starin’ at a ninja. I’m paranoid. I sleep with my finger on the trigger. See? Habit. I seent things.
But all habits don’t have to be bad. Sometimes they just are what they are. Now just because they’re not bad in the sense of kicking squirrels or killing kittens (PUN!!!!!!!) , doesn’t mean that they needn’t be amended or reconstified. I know that I have a bunch of habits, like actual habits, that could use some tweaking. Some bad, some good. Some average. Sometimes they rhyme slow, sometimes they rhyme quick. It’s really a mess of ethnic proportions. Point is, I can’t shake these habits to save my life. Once you realize that you tend to exhibit certain things that could possibly use some tweakage, most people would be able to do it. Not I. Nor eye.
You want to know don’t you? It’s okay. Shake something.
Well here is a list of habits that Panama Jackson can’t seem to shake.
1) Deltas
We openly joke about Deltas here at VSB. I’m not entirely sure why seeing as Champ nor I have ever had an extensive conversation about our “Greek” chick acumen, should such a thing exist. I think it’s largely just fun to rib Deltas (PUN) since ya know, they’re so great and all. But I, Panama Jackson, have a Delta habit. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have a Delta-dar. If there is a group of Delta’s within a 12 mile radius, I will not only locate them, I’ll end up talking to one of them and offer to share my chickpeas and sercy tea. No Haile Selassie I. <—- But I don’t get into that I kicked the habit.
2) Wearing multiple pairs of socks
I know why I started doing this but I can’t figure out why I haven’t stopped. I don’t care if its 102 degrees in August in Baton Rouge, LA. I’m generally rocking at least two pairs of socks. I don’t get the stank toes though. My feet smell like unicorn poot and a rosemary lavendar Black woman smile.
Similar to the socks…
3) Always wearing a wifebeater
Without one I feel weird. I’ve been doing it so long, I just can’t stop. And yes Margaret, that’s what she said. I feel like Jordan without Pippen, Shaq without Kobe, Ike without Tina…but no I ain’t gonna hit you baby. I feel like Fantasia in a Words With Friends tournament. I feel like Chris Brown at a boxing match. Rihanna at a boxing match where Chris Brown is in view. Point is, with no wifebeater on, I feel vulnerable. I need solace.
4) Dating women with the same name
I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before on here somewhere, but I have a bad habit of dating women with a certain name…over and over. It’s like a magnet for these women. Real talk. One time I met this chick in a mall in Virginia and we talked. Hit it off like two jackhammers at a pr0n convention. HBCU grad? Check. Height 5’7″, body like heaven. I asked her what her name was and when she told me, I just walked off. No explanation or nothing. I’m fairly certain that for at least 27 seconds, she was dumbfounded and incredulous at my actions. But I couldn’t risk another heartbreak at the hands of a woman named her name.
5) Ordering chicken
I know. I’m Black. These seems very unodd right? Except, no matter where I go I see the same hooooooes I ALWAYS order chicken. Even when I don’t understand the words on the menu, somehow I accidentally order chicken. I can intentionally attempt to order the leanest cut of Siberian snow camel ever with a side of brisket biscuit cheese, and Ill somehow order the chicken version. It’s uncanny really. Like an X-Man.
You might be asking yourself where Champ is. You may do it again. But realize that just like a Modest Mouse-sampling Lupe Fiasco song, the show goes on.
So folk, my whoadies, my raps, what are some habits that you just can’t shake?
It ain’t Friday, but it IS Thursday. By the power of Elohim, I compel you. Enjoy the fracas. Purge.
Shake something.
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