1Healthy Marital Relationship Doesn’t Means No Fighting

If you think that the secret to passion in love is not to have fights in your marital relationship then you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and disappointment. In my private sex therapy practice and building healthy relationship workshops, at times we have to spend hours overcoming this limiting belief that great couples don’t fight. This belief often comes from people having parents or caregivers who were busy fighting all the time. You might have made a decision in your childhood that this will NEVER happen in your intimate relationship once you get married. Now, whenever a disagreement happens, it triggers painful memories. You may feel like you are repeating your parents’ journey.

It is More About How Married Couples Fight

You should understand that avoiding conflict doesn’t do anything positive to the intimacy, trust and communication in your marital relationship. In fact, when I am with a married couple during my counselling sessions, who tell me that they never fight – I am often “on watch”.

John Gottman Research Findings

Arguments can be very effective way to bring you closer to each other; it is not how you fight. Dr. John Gottman’s research found that what separates “masters” from “disasters” is that “masters” repair conflict very quickly and intensively; whereas, “disasters” swipe things under the rug.

Does it Means – Married Couples Should Fight More Often!

Set up some standard for the way you fight: no belittling, profane language toward your partner or threatening to leave. You can watch my ASK Karolina show where I dedicated a whole episode to help you fight effectively in your marital relationship.

2Never Threaten Your Partner to Leave out of Your Marriage

The worst thing you do to your lovely relationship is ‘Threaten to Leave,’ whenever things get uncomfortable. What it does is undermines trust in your relationship. It forces your lover to walk on eggshells. It also shows that you are not fully committed to figuring things out. Instead, you just want things to be done your way and whenever they are not – you are ready to run faster than the wind blows in a hurricane.

Ensure Divorce/Breakup Are Restricted Words in Your Conversations

I always advise my clients to make a rule in their marital relationship. A rule is to ensure that “divorce” or “breakup” are the most forbidden words in arguments. Don’t use these and any other related word, unless and until you really mean them. If you ever decide to threaten with a separation or divorce, you might as well pack your bags and catch the first flight back home.

3Always Take Responsibility in Relationship, Even if it is Only 1%

In a relationship, you can….ooops hold on…here we are not talking about a regular relationship…in a passionate relationship, you can either be right or happy. It is a fact!

A few weeks ago my coach and I were talking about relationship arguments. I shared with him that Vlad and I were recently getting into more arguments than usual. He told me, “Karolina. You teach it. You know it. Stop trying to be right all the time. It is not about who is right!” It was like a sobering cold shower for me. How could I forget!

We made it a golden rule in our passionate relationship to always take responsibility for any argument. You might be steaming right now thinking “Why would you be taking responsibility if you did nothing wrong?”

Wake the fuck up! Do you want to continue fighting or do you want passion in love?

Aren’t you sorry for the way your partner feels at the end of the day?

Yes, you might think that your lover unfairly lashed out at you because of the crazy day they had. Haven’t you done that, ever? Don’t you think you could have been more forgiving as well? Not taking everything personally? Take responsibility, even if it’s just 1 %.

4Getting Better Builds More Trust in Married Couples

Trust is one of the top challenges most people experience when it comes to passionate relationships. How do I trust her again? How can I tell him what I really feel, if I know he would tell me again that he doesn’t like to be told what to do? Here is a video I created on trust issue for married couples. This is why relationship counselling or coaching or retreats are so important to all of us. It is about taking a path of continuous improvement and growth, learning, and change. It is what the Japanese call Kaizen. (I know this because I lived in Far East Russia for a while where we do a lot of business with Japanese). Believe me; it will build enormous trust in your relationship.

What is Wrong in Having Sex Talk with your Partner!

When your lover sees you as a learning, growing, and renewed person, she develops confidence in your ability to succeed, figure things out, and welcome a non-judgmental environment into your conversations, especially when it comes to sex talk.

Investigate Your Mistakes and Improve

• Ask for feedback from your lover.

“What can I do to make our relationship better?”

“What can I do to make out sex life more enjoyable to you?”

• Learn from your Past Mistakes

I discovered some essential facts in my passionate relationship and also from my wonderful clients. If you are not willing to commit mistakes, you are not going to improve. If you are not going to improve, you are not going to feel a deep passion in your love. Most people are not willing to make mistakes. They are also not ready to experiment in their intimate life because they are either afraid to fail or they are more focused on looking good – not letting their guard down.

5Date Frequently to Create More Passion in Your Marriage

What happened to your dating enthusiasm after being in a marital relationship for few years? Mind you; dating is not just for people who are trying to get laid or get into a romantic relationship. I have witnessed many clients in my private sex therapy practice admit to me that the spark left the building after their union. No wonder. When was the last time you threw some birch into the fire pit? I have shared a few romantic and intimate dating ideas for couples in this video.

Stock up on Fire Logs to Keep Fire Burning

Dating is an integral component of every passionate relationship. Create weekly dates. What I am about to propose can give you goosebumps, but it is the biggest secret which can pave your way to a passionate sex life. Make weekly dates for sex. Some couples object, protest and even reject this enthralling idea of weekly sex dates. They feel as if it is going to take away the spontaneity out of their relationship. Well, I often don’t waste a lot of time persuading them. Let them chase fake spontaneity, while those who listen enjoy the bliss of a more passionate sex experience.

Oriental Spice of Anticipation

It does the opposite. Egotism is in our minds – it lingers within you. Even when you were dating, there was always a sense of anticipation, and not so much of spontaneity because you knew that you would meet, you knew that possibly you would have sex and there was always a war in your mind of maybe yes and maybe no.

6What is on the Menu Today? Sex or Intercourse!

Sex is a deliciously subjective play involving some sexual acts, including but not limited to intercourse. Have sex without intercourse is possible.

How to Have Sex Without Having Sex!

It doesn’t make sense to think of sex as synonymous with intercourse because someone who has done the former might have never experienced the latter that night. Be generous with your creativity and shift your sex life into something fun, adventurous and diverse.

7Passion in Love Doesn’t Falls from the Sky, Create & Nurture It!

It’s super-duper Russiangly flavored important to realize and accept the difficulty of creating a lasting passion in love. I’ve never bull-shitted anyone by saying that passion in love is easy. It is not.

Creating Healthy Passionate Relationship is Really Hard, That’s Why So Few Have It

Traditionally, you might think that the way to have a passionate relationship is to pick the right partner. Oh boy, I am about to burst your bubble, and I don’t have any anesthetic with me. So I will do it quick and painful. In a mindful and conscious relationship, where passion is your everyday experience, you realize that you have to be with the right partner.

More you welcome the self-awareness, better you realize that a passionate relationship requires standards, courage, commitment and daily efforts to grow, contribute, and change. Some people just don’t want to put in the hard work that they say they want, but they want it only on paper.

Similarly, we hear people having a wish to go to the gym, open their business, or spend more time with their kids but they never follow it through. Be honest with yourself on how badly you want it.

A dishonest YES is a painful NO to you.

Once you’ve had a chance to read, I’d love to know: what are your top three struggles in your relationship right now that you can’t resolve? 

No matter what you’re facing right now, there is an adventurous journey ahead. You can use your heart, courage, and dedication to find a way or make a way. It all comes to how bad you want to make it happen.

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