Here’s a request that likely got my attention, at least in part, due to what I sincerely hope is a pen-name. Our gentle reader, Harlot McSlutlot, asks…is there EVER a reason for a guy to turn down sex…MID-sex??? The answer might not be what you think…

Is there ever a reason for a guy to turn down sex?

I mean like, mid-make-out, literally mid-unbutton of pants? Sparing the fact that I don’t look/smell like shit and am not packing a wooly bear down there?

(Ha. As if even THAT stuff would stop some French guys. As I’ve related before, I know a guy who routinely felt under a certain insane woman’s pillow for WEAPONS before sleeping with her.)

So, is he gay, did he have whiskey dick (though I feel like most guys would give it a go even if they couldn’t perform), or is he in love with someone else, or possibly something I can’t think of. Do guys ever just “not feel it”?

I know he has had sex with Russian women before, but I don’t know how much or how often. I did like this guy, but considering he stopped, I kind of figured I wasn’t going to get that far if he stopped the sex.

This is just baffling, even to my guy friends. Is there a scenario in which it’s not because he is gay?

Thanks, ‘preciate it.

Dear Harlot McSlutlot,

Well, let’s go through your incredibly thorough set of possible diagnoses, with an eye toward Occam’s Razor — is it the simplest solution?

• GAY? Mm…I suppose it’s theoretically possible. I’m sure that happens sometimes, a guy is trying to work up to not being gay, decides to give a gal a go, and then at the moment of truth, he can’t bring himself to switch teams. But I bet this doesn’t happen a  WHOLE lot. Certainly not THE simplest solution.
• WHISKEY DICK? Meh. I agree with your assessment here. If a guy is trying for some action, my guess is that he’s going to keep on trying. It’s possible that a guy would get embarrassed and bail out before you saw how up-to-the-task he wasn’t. I’m sure it happens, but if it doesn’t ring true to you, it doesn’t ring true to me.
• IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Totally possible. It is 100% possible for a guy to be incredibly attracted to someone who isn’t his person, he foolishly lets himself get headed toward sexyville with said someone, and then at the last second he mentally slaps himself silly to stop himself.
• JUST “NOT FEEL IT.”? Oh sure, but not so likely right in the middle. If a guy doesn’t really want to have sex, he usually knows that WAY ahead of time. Long before he got to the deed itself. Not the simplest one.

Is that it? Is it one of these? “In Love With Someone Else” is the leading contender of your guesses. Let me add another possibility:

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT…SEX PULLED!ME!BACK!IN!!

Here’s something that I remember from my single days with nobody to chat with. If a guy believes that having sex with you will result in YOU being attached to HIM, and he already knows he doesn’t want to deal with that, he might actually bail out on 100% available sex, simply to avoid putting himself into that position later.

Now, granted, he will regret this later. “What the holy hell was I THINKING? I mean, is it THAT hard to deal with after-sex attachment!? I could have totally done her!” Yeah, if this is the reason, he will be calling himself an a-hole about that night for years to come. But it does happen. Especially to young guys who are just hitting maturity, and just realizing that sex has consequences.

I’m not sure exactly what the reason is, Harlot McSlutlot (god, I love that name.) But the reasons a guy would turn sex down in the moment are usually about his brain putting in a heroic effort to stop Something Bad from happening. Could be to stop himself from chatting, could just be that he knows he doesn’t want anything afterward and doesn’t want to lead you on. Whatever it is. But yes, it is possible.

Any experience here, ladies? Ever had a guy stop in the middle? Why’d he do it?