4 Things I’ve Learned About Sex In The Past Year

September 24, 2024 by No Comments

For years, I’ve considered myself an expert on the habits of homosexuals, a man-on-man action maven if you will. How did I come to believe that I was such a guru of gayness? Well, although I’m not homosexual and don’t have any openly homosexual friends, my credentials come from the fact that I live two blocks away from an Apple store. And, as anyone who’s ever lived within a five block radius of an Apple store will tell you, nothing attracts the pink posse to a neighborhood like the presence of an storefront filled with 10 foot iPods displays. Seriously, it’s like Steve Jobs is the rainbow Moses, leading his congregation of unusually fit (and impeccably bearded) middle-aged white men to a promise land of Xserve and Safari.

So, imagine my surprise when reading the comments to a random article this week (I forgot exactly which one) and being informed that many gay men absolutely abhor 4nal sex. I always assumed that, along with being able to still rock tie-dye t-shirts in public, anal sex was one of the perks of the trade. Stunned and still disbelieving, I immediately googled “not all gay men enjoy 4nal sex” and found 8,460,000 results.

Despite the common myth, not all gay men like 4nal sex. There are many ways men can be intimate with one another without having anal sex. Two very common ways are intercrural sex and frottage.

After spending 180 seconds debating whether I should google what the hell “frottage” is (I didn’t, and I still haven’t…yet), I realized that this shouldn’t be too surprising. I mean, there are some forms of “hetero” sex that some heteros aren’t particularly enthused with — specifically, oral comes to mind — and it stands to reason that orientation doesn’t automatically make you receptive to everything associated with that orientation.

Still, this new found knowledge was jarring, and forced me to consider relinquishing the complementary 15% off American Apparel discount that comes my “I Know Of Gay People” membership.

Anyway, it’s been a year since I first wrote “12 things about sex i’ve learned since becoming an adult,” and since education is a continuous process, I thought I should share a few more of the sex-related things I’ve learned since then.

Women who try 4nal sex have more orgasms

Not sure if the premise behind this Slate.com article from William Saletan — which states “94 percent of women who received 4nal sex in their last encounter said they reached orgasm—a higher rate of orgasm than was reported by women who had vaginal intercourse or received oral sex” — would be categorized as correlation, causation, conundrum, cause or some other “c” word explaining the chicken-egg phenomenon, but I do know that it’s the best piece of “Hey, baby…we should try something different tonight, and here’s why!” PR ever!

The older you get, the less people seem to care about arbitrary “waiting” periods

I won’t say that women tend to get much “easier” (and men get much less stringent about said “easiness”) as we get olderbut at this rate, I’m assuming that anyone who’s still single at 40 just meet at public peep holes for their first dates.

Sex really doesn’t matter at all…unless it really does

While this is a blasphemous thought while you’re in your 20′s, as you get older you realize that sex isn’t the end all be all of everything, and it shouldn’t dominate your every thought, desire, and action.

But, sex does dominate your every thought, desire, and action when you either don’t have any, or the sex you actually have is so bad that you wished you just didn’t have any at all.

Basically “sex” = “money”

Anyway, falks: that’s enough from me. It’s your turn now. Has there been anything new you’ve learned about sex in the past year? The carpet is yours.

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